We are not getting another kitten – yeah right

I'm currently re reading ‘How Minds Change by David McRaney’, and the timing is on point.

About a month ago, despite what I considered to be some very sound reasoning, my husband was adamant we weren't getting another kitten.

But then Eddie arrived. Now Bryce is the first one asking where he is when he gets home, and Eddie is allowed to share his chair. Turns out our house has become an unexpected case study in How Minds Change.

One of the key ideas from the book is the tendency to assume that people change their minds when they're presented with better information, stronger evidence or a more convincing argument. But our belief systems are much more complicated than that. They're shaped by our experiences, relationships, values, identities and the things that matter to us.

It's got me thinking about my own practice. I spend a lot of time in spaces where people are trying to do something differently, across organisations, communities and systems. There are often different perspectives about what the problem is, what needs to change, or even what a good outcome looks like. Like everyone else in those spaces, I bring my own experiences, knowledge and perspectives with me.

It’s made me wonder how often I become too attached to what I think I know, rather than staying curious about what others are seeing. But How Minds Change has made me think about what happens when I become too focused  on getting someone else to see what I see. If I'm busy constructing the better argument...

How curious am I being about the person in front of me?

What experiences have shaped their perspective?

What matters to them?

What might they be seeing that I'm not?

Why does it make sense from where they are standing?

Understanding another perspective doesn't mean agreeing with it. There will always be things to disagree about, and things that need to be challenged. But understanding where someone is standing gives us a different place to begin.

There's a strong connection here for me with how we think about practice at CoLEAD. Working alongside people doesn't mean arriving without ideas or expertise. It means being intentional about not assuming those ideas are the answer.

For us, it means creating space to understand where people are standing before trying to move anywhere. Being curious about what matters to them, what has shaped their perspective and what they might be seeing that we can't. It means making room for different perspectives to be explored, rather than rushing towards agreement or a predetermined solution.

And importantly, that curiosity has to work both ways. If we're genuinely working alongside people, we have to be open to the possibility that what we hear might shift our thinking too.

Which brings me back to Eddie.

I could have continued explaining all the perfectly rational reasons why adding another kitten to our family was an excellent idea. I'm reasonably confident none of them would have achieved a “You're right, we DO need another kitten.”

Bryce needed his own experience. Apparently that experience was a small ginger kitten arriving with little warning and deciding that Bryce's chair belonged to him too.

I'm still thinking about what that means for practice. Perhaps, the challenge is not just knowing that better arguments don't necessarily change minds.  Perhaps it's about being intentional in creating the space to listen, understand and explore different perspectives before deciding where the conversation needs to go.